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Joke of the Day
"ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope"
Next Joke
"Omg I'm so thirsty- *Kool-Aid Man busts through wall* OH YEAHH *Sugar-free zero calorie Kool-Aid Man jiggles door handle* LITTLE HELP HERE"
"What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!!!!"
"There isn't anything that keeps you awake at night like a case of the what ifs."
"Bigfoot, an alien, and a Pilgrim walk into a bar. I need a punch line."
"What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases? An innertube."
"My girlfriend's keyboard broke, and she sent me this message. ""HelpmyspacebarisbrokenandIwouldlikeanalternative"" What the hell is a ternative?"
"Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee"
"Why did the black man cross the road? Black men always follow the chicken."
"[Watching babies first steps] *turns to wife* Has he been drinking?"