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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster got his tongue burnt? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"What do you call a gaping hole in your chest that smells like fish? VAGINA PECTORIS!"

"Why is it so wet in Great Britain? Because of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there."

"Why did Hitler suicide? He got the gas bill"

"Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!"

"I want to die like dad peacefully in my sleep. Not like mom screaming in terror in the passenger seat."

"You can't spell dad without a"

"I just watched two mice screwing in a lightbulb But for the life of me, I can't figure out how they got in there."

"Did you hear about the bad pizza? It was a Peace'a'shit"

"What do you call a bunch of Mexican Stoners? Baked Beans."