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Joke of the Day

"I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat. They found me passed out in the shower four days later."

"I am fresh out of milkshakes, but I'm pretty sure that my willingness to put out on the first date will bring all the boys to the yard."

"I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere."

"Every time you enter a room, you should say ""Smells like farts in here."" This way when you fart later, they'll never suspect you."

"Tim Cook just came out as gay... I wont be surprised if the Samsung CEO suddenly becomes gay too."

"I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect... ....That Hepatitis Bee"

"Asked my 3yo what she was thinking and she said ""I wouldn't want to work at McDonald's bc you have to poop in the food before you serve it."""

"I like .... Every knows I like my kids the way I like farmed chicken Caged I like my kids the way I like my wine 7 years old and in my basement Post some good ones in the comments"

"Some say youth is wasted on the young, I say wealth is wasted on the old. Also Oxycontin."

"I'm 28 years old, but in marriage years, I'm already dead."