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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. I always use this joke when going to Dr's, or any medical situation. It never fails to get a great laugh."

"What do you call a naked musician? A Natural"

"Whats long, green, and smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but I hear the reception was excellent."

"My jokes are like straws They suck."

"Hate shaving? Cut some time out of your morning routine by leaping into the ocean and letting the tide drag you to a watery demise instead."

"Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people."

"I am a simple man with simple jokes. A tumblrite came up to me and told me I needed to respect her being a pansexual. I said ""why do you want to fuck bread? You'll get a yeast infection."""

"Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!"

"just missed a turn because I was trying to tweet ""dong cheadle"" while driving"