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Joke of the Day

"What kind of wine do bears drink? Maulbec"

"Why does chav code never compile? They end every statement with init"

"If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit."

"finds it funny when people who aren't friends in real life are friends on Facebook"

"Three monkeys walk into a bar... I forgot the rest, but your mom's a whore."

"I've heard addicts claim that heroin became their ""God"" but... ...they're always taking his name in vein."

"A friend of mine was learning to drive. The problem was he couldn't get the hang of backing the car round corners. His instructor fixed him by using reverse psychology!"

"Yeah, but I thought the whole point of twitter was to be stalked.nnThe word 'follower' should be evidence of that"

"The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it Doctor?' she wanted to know. 'One hundred and three' said the doctor. 'What is the world record?'"

"Me: sandwich for lunch? 6yo: noooo!!! Me: how about salami, tomatoes, cheese & bread? 6: YES!! I win."