139162

Joke of the Day

"who said math is the universal language? hey, numbers-- speak english!"

"I'd rather have my eyelashes ripped out one at a time by poisonous crabs than watch a show where the voices didnt match the mouth movements"

"ENEMY: can you smell that? That's fear. ME: the baked goods? ENEMY: no. focus on your fear. ME: we must be knife fighting behind a bakery"

"What does a dentist do in his free time? Shoot lions."

"I'm not positive, but I think when you say you're ""over"" something, YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT."

"This is the story of a man named Jack. Jack was, well lets just say he was a repairman. One day while repairing the shingles on a rooftop, Jack got stuck. Will you help Jack off?"

"Jet Fuel can't melt Ellen Pao [User was banned for this post]"

"Did you hear about the baby born with no eyelids? They used his circumcised foreskin to surgically replace his eyelids. The surgery was a success although he is a little Cock-eyed"

"What is small, bald and wrinkled? Danny DeVito"

"What did one depressed saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support before people think we're nuts!"