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Joke of the Day

"Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*"

"How do you fit 5,000 Jews into a Volkswagen? Two in the front, three in the back and the rest in the ashtray."

"Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows."

"I went on a date with a girl in a wheelchair... I stood her up, and thats when she fell for me, now were on a roll, I just have to figure out how to ramp it up in the bedroom."

"I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks."

"I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now..."

"I used to own a shop which sold 'Closed' signs... It didn't do very well. I had them all up in the window, but no-one ever came in."

"Thank you for telling me the definition of ""many"". It means alot."

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."

"Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift ""from all of us"" anymore."