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Joke of the Day
"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A fish..."
Next Joke
"What two games does Carl Sagan play at the bar? Billiards and Billiards"
"You gotta randomly lift your girl in the air, just to let her know you could throw her off a balcony if her phone ever went off after 11 PM."
"What do Mediterranean volcanoes make for dessert? bakLAVA"
"My new job has me up at 1 AM every morning in my front yard with a glass of water and a paintbrush. It doesn't really pay much but I make dew."
"Instructions: 1. Watch every breath someone takes 2. Watch every move someone makes 3. Watch every bond someone breaks 4. Log off Facebook"
"My skateboarding career and Jon Snow have a lot in common. They both ended with an Ollie."
"I'm not an alpha male I'm a male"
"What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov? I'm putin' that guy to sleep"
"/r/im14andthisisdeep? ...I'm 12 and that's what she said"