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Joke of the Day

"the grocery store guy left the eggplant out of the bag because he must have known i was gonna eat it on the drive home"

"I got sacked from the dodgems. I'm going to take them to court and win the case based on funfair dismissal."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender."

"*closes twitter* *opens up instagram* *scrolls* *scrolls* *closes instagram* *opens up twitter*"

"So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced... He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, ""Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!"""

"She's as smart as bait."

"Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?"

"Today I saw ""Jesus doesn't care about your grades"" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was ""Thank god, he'd be pissed"""

"Jesus take the wheel Carlos you take the stereo, and Roberto, you take lookout."

"How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?"