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Joke of the Day

"You know what they say about not arguing with stupid... People on the outside might not be able to tell the difference, so go ahead and delete all your liberal friends on facebook."

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"[England 1320] ""Dearest fair lady, thou art the finest in the land. Allow me to gaze upon thee soon. My love grows."" *waits 6 months* ""K"""
"So I just flew in from Cleveland And boy are my arms tired."
"Hey girl, are you made of lead? Because you have a plumbum."
"Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we."
"What's black and eats pussy? Cervical Cancer"
"Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat."
"Why is milk so fast? Because it's pasteurized before you see it!"
"Exclamation points are cocaine for sentences!"
"Why the big pause................................? Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard."