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Joke of the Day
"This joke isn't fast. It's not slow either. I guess it's just half-fast."
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"romeo tells juliet she's fat"
"What do you call someone who discriminates against certain groups of rappers? A rapist."
"Where do werewolves live? In werehouses."
"A small box of strawberries If there was some play on words that could turn a small box of strawberries into a punnet would be quite funny"
"I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards."
"Paul McCartney wrote 'Yesterday' But he also wrote 'Obla-de-obla-da' and 'Ebony and Ivory' So, don't worry if some of your tweets are shit"
"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"
"How is the NFL like Brokeback Mountain? The Cowboys suck!"
"As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought... ...I'm getting a really good deal on this car."