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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of Spaniards in quicksand? Bean dip"

"Playing the long game. some months back I planted lettuce in my garden. yesterday I was making dinner and asked my girlfriend to go pick some lettuce. she said ""why?"" I said ""just Cos"" ba dum tisssssh"

"What do you call an elf that sings? A wrapper."

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

"My highest test grade I'll always be proud of is my blood test... A+"

"When is the best time to eat fast food? *Fri*day!"

"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"Being a dog with no legs - it's no walk in the park"

"Even the stick figure woman on my wife's back window has a headache."

"*walks past yoga studio* *looks in window* *eyes widen* Awesome. It's like kindergarten. *walks into class* *unrolls mat* *takes a nap*"