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Joke of the Day

"Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream got shot."

"30/05/2016 Whenever i have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me or the police"

"CASHIER: ""Did you find everything you were looking for?"" ME: ""Oh, yes..."" [places ""How To Murder A Cashier"" book on counter]"

"[table of 6 year olds in lab coats] How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we *bangs fist on table* CAN'T EVEN FIND WALDO?!"

"God: I made the sky a canvas, the sun & the clouds an ever changing painting of colorful beauty. Devil: I made potato chips."

"My ""go to"" zoo joke I tell this to my wife and kids every time we go to a zoo... Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A. Elephino"

"It's weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better."

"I need beer money but I've probably captured my neighbor's cat and returned it for the reward one too many times."

"A good comeback when someone doesn't believe you're a time traveler is ""Yeah well nobody cried at your funeral."""

"A German man walks into a bar... and orders a Martini. The barman asks: ""Dry?"" The German replies: ""No, just one, thank you."""