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Joke of the Day

"Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do..."

"My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes"

"""Everything the light touches is ours,"" I tell my son while opening the fridge."

"What's a shopaholic's favourite boy band? NSYNC"

"dude *scoffs like 7 times in a row* of course i'm not a virgin... i have lots of *starts readin hand, ink is hella smudged* secular intercom"

"Did you hear there was a blackout last night? Don't worry, we caught him"

"An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ... ""How can you even see with those?"" ""You're fired."""

"Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370..... who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment."

"What's the difference between a piano,tuna and glue. You can tune a piano. You cant piano a tuna."

"Where do robo-babies come from? From the computerus."