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Joke of the Day

"Why don't little girls stay out late? Because Jared likes to eat fresh"

"Hmmm... If I throw a watch in the garbage.... Is that considered a waste of time..?"

"Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding ? They got jellygated !"

"Boss: You wrote one of your strengths is invisibility and that seems--what are you doing?! Me (giving him the finger): Wait--you can see me?"

"Credit card fraud is wrong. Unless you're poor & really horny & think a rich guy wont notice a $20/month fee for your amputee fetish."

"My Swedish girlfriend broke up with me Now, I'm just somebody that she used to blow."

"""Doc, my boyfriend & I don't wanna get pregnant. He hates condoms & I think the jelly isn't working."" ""What kind are you using?"" ""Grape"""

"How to get on the front page Not like this."

"[Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm ""latte"" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer"

"Someone told me not be a dick about Caitlyn Jenner I said ""Should I be a twat instead?"""