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Joke of the Day

"What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common? They're both crushed-asians"

"Just been informed the man who stole my journal has died. My thoughts are with his family."

"Don't think I know half of my FB friends....Who the heck are you people?"

"Where do pigs park their cars? In porking lots."

"I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes... The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames"

"Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water personally."

"Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No thanks. I know how many pockets I have."

"What's wrong with the phrase ""War on Drugs""? Wars end."

"Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, ""Sorry, no professionals."""

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted. The assailant avoided prison, though. As the battery charge wouldn't hold."