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Joke of the Day

"Trump: ""Let's get that Muslim band going"" ""Band? We thought you said ban"" Trump: ""No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"""

"America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and half is spent trying to lose weight, and half is spent on education."

"I was going to write up a guide on how to reserve yourself a spot on the front page of Reddit... ...but it's really not my place to say!"

"Social life? You mean my phone?"

"Oh, you left me a voicemail? Next time just tape a note to the door of the apartment I moved out of six years ago."

"What did the prostitute say after fucking Jesus? Nailed it!"

"*Tim Burton slams hands on table* WTF DO U MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE *turns to Depp* HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN"

"It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse ""Right of Way"" with ""Immortality."""

"A free product means... to free you of your money"

"A T-Rex and a Dude walk into a bar.... Dude says ""Hey T-Rex, ya got the first round?"" T-Rex says ""Sorry dude, I'm short handed"""