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Joke of the Day

"Like a recovering crack addict, my computer is broken & I can only use others in small doses. A little facebook goes a long way. *twitch*"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower? You hand the bitch a shovel."

"I'm in hiding from exercise. It's called the fitness protection program."

"Looks like someone is stealing our jokes from r/jokes I was sent this by my roomate, http://www.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless What shall we do reddit?"

"My wife likes to look at my face while we have sex. So i gave her a picture of me for when she goes out."

"What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender? About ten minutes."

"When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going."

"Why do single men live longer than married men? Because they want to."

"I don't know about you guys, but I think Jesus would definitely have had a hard time paying for my sins on a carpenters salary."

"I'm terrible at telling jokes I always mess up the punch limes"