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Joke of the Day

"14 sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added ""not in your pajamas"" so I'm wearing hers because good moms listen"

"What's Sauron's favorite soft drink? Mountain Dewm"

"I decided to show off my six pack on Tinder. Budweiser is not getting me any dates."

"""Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!"""

"What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin"

"What do you call a broken square? A REKTangle"

"Reasons I work out. 1) I don't wanna be bit by a vampire and spend eternity out of shape and double chinned. 2) I guess to be healthy"

"How do you disappoint a redditor? Come back when this post is 10 hours old for the results!"

"Vampire 1: ""I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died."" Vampire 2: ""How awful!"" Vampire 1: ""Yes. Fortunately I found some in the neck of time."""

"[boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]"