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Joke of the Day

"I'm in a band called Missing Cat. You've probably seen our posters."

"Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house."

"My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it. Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her. She's a cracker."

"""WTF IS THIS?!?!"" dad demands as he looks at my report card. I explain to him the idea of schooling and grading systems and he calms down."

"The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws."

"I can't understand Undertale. It doesn't make sans."

"It's looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she'll leave me alone there."

"I just told my girlfriend that I was an Italian mite in a past life . I'm a Roman tick at heart."

"I joined a 12-step program for people addicted to 12 step programs, Anonymous Anonymous. The 1st step is admitting you don't have a problem."

"Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour!"