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Joke of the Day

"REPUBLICAN (running for office): We need to make haircuts safer! REPUBLICAN (in office): Haircuts will only be done using chainsaws."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently not three because my basement is still dark."

"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every mother has it."

"I think my wife has a surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed."

"I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to resist sexting Oprah during my morning commute."

"Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :("

"I once opened a box of Life. All I found was disappointment."

"Did you hear about the mexican that went to college? me neither."

"Mr. Wong and Ms. Chin get married and have a baby. The baby comes out white. Being a little confused, Mr. Wong asks the doctor about this. Doctor says, ""Two wongs make a white""."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Black and tastes like warm diarrhea."