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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the two monocles at the party? They made spectacles out of themselves."

"I can't be what you want. I'm too busy being what I want."

"Another grandfather joke This was my grandfather's favorite, since we're doing this now: What happened when the man lost his suspenders? He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds"

"What is the best way to stop a politician? A really strong gust of wind."

"[stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations"

"Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat."

"Whats brown and ryhmes with snoop Poop."

"So now they're feeding cow marijuana infused grain? That isn't for me... ...those steaks are too high."

"Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now."

"A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. ""Stop being an idiot,"" said one wife who lives in my house."