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Joke of the Day

"How many recruits does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the lightbulb and four road guards."

"Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!"

"What do you call a cross between a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye"

"Pluto wasn't even a planet for a full year on Pluto. Do you ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself."

"[First Date] Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it? Him: No. He's very handsome too Me: CHECK PLEASE"

"Q: You're on top of Mount Everest. How do you get down? A: Pluck a duck."

"I stopped carrying my phone in my shirt pocket, because every time it vibrated my first thought was: Heart attack!"

"I feel so off the grid. I watched the Grampas instead of the Grammys last night."

"Reasons to carry a handkerchief: 3) You've never heard of tissues 2) You're doing a magic trick 1) You're hiding your face to rob a train"

"I have a photographer's memory Or is it photographic? I always forget."