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Joke of the Day

"I know a chess grandmaster, but I've only ever played checkers with him Because I know he'll only lose to a check mate"

"Some of you talk more than my wife. The good news is I can just unfollow you instead of burying you in the back yard to shut you up."

"""I feel your pane""- Guy walking into your window."

"Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks."

"Whats pink and smells like salmon? trout"

"What does the study of magnetism and self abuse have in common? The Right Hand Rule."

"What do you call a blind buck? No idear. What do you call a blind buck with no legs? Still no idear."

"[trying to impress fiancee's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE ""SUBTOTAL""?!?"

"Today I bought some shoes from my local drug dealler.. I don't know what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day"

"A guy walks into a psychiatrists office... ...wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts""."