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Joke of the Day

"I asked my daughter's dentist for her favorite joke. Was not disappointed. What is the latest fad among teenage mermaids in the city of Atlantis? Taking shellfies with their shellphones."

"Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm."

"Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone's battery."

"Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose? They suspected it of fowl play."

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"Whats the difference between white people and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others."

"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"

"*gazing at the ocean* God: I told you NOT to leave the water on while we were on vacation. Angel: I'm sorr- God: SORRY DOESN'T FIX THIS MESS"

"What do you get when you mix a penis and a potato? A dictator."

"My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my ipod. ""I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex."" ""He asked, ""Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"" ""I replied, ""No, I work in a morgue."""