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Joke of the Day

"Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate."

"[helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? ""One tenth?"" Good, now what does 10% mean? ""Battery low, plug in your phone?"" Perfect"

"What do you call a bee that comes from the United States? USB."

"Reading an article about how more kids are ""experimenting with drugs""... What does that mean? More kids tripping in lab coats?"

"THIS JUST IN: Foreign suppliers of shredded cheese on strike. Eyewitnesses report protesting workers holding signs that read: ""MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"""

"It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan. Talk Abbottabad place to hide."

"Keep dimming automatically, laptop screen. We love that."

"How heavy is the moderation on this sub? And was it in anyway responsible for the death of FPH."

"[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] ""Did u just propose using emojis?"" ... ""Technically its called a propoji, but yes"" [She's already gone]"

"Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes... ""Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"" ""Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"""