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Joke of the Day

"So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... BAH DUM TSSH"

"Why did the mathematician move to Seattle? He liked LaGrange bands"

"[NSFW] Why does a walrus love Tupperware? Because he's always looking for a tight seal."

"I've learned that you can buy a kitten with no problem, but you have to come back at a different time to buy the juicer."

"Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!"

"How do you confuse Helen Keller? You tell her to read a basketball."

"This might sound crazy, but I have proof the CIA is putting chips in people's brains. I think they're Pringles."

"To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud."

"This time of year, I get sick of everyone writing an ""X"" instead of ""Christ"". I think it's time we all put the Christ back in Christ-box 360"

"A married man walks into a bar"