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Joke of the Day

"911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now"

"Cease & desist to all of Reddit I've trademarked PLAGIARISM and seek to protect my trademark from infringement."

"Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish all a Happy Saturday!"

"A very pixelated Loch Ness Monster showed up at my door... He said ""Imma need about 8-bitty."""

"You look like my Asian friend from school. Yeah his name was Ug-lee!"

"A blonde walks into a library... No, that's it. That's the joke."

"Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole."

"What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...? Mowed 'em."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"Pooped without my phone this morning, just like Gandhi."