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Joke of the Day

"Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish all a Happy Saturday!"

"What do you get when you cross Jesus with a dinosaur? A velocirapture"

"What do you call jokes about bread? buns"

"I say waiter there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!"

"[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam... Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam."

"What do condoms and taxes have in common? Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools."

"Two peanuts were walking through Central Park late at night. One was a salted."

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""

"I almost got hit by a car just now, but it was a cool car and I'm looking pretty cool today so it would have been cool."

"Know why cowgirls are always bowlegged? Cowboys don't take their hats off while eating."