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Joke of the Day

"- If any person believes that these 2 shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or... - THE PRIEST ALREADY SAID THAT! - Ugh, I do."

"@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze... it's like a little party on your face."

"[Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Areare you over 21?"

"If my iPod doesn't work in the next few minutes, I'm throwing it in the river. It can either sync or swim."

"Jesus: Listen guys, why has someone written 'nail appointment' in my diary? Judas: No idea, J. No idea."

"You know what the problem with biplanes is? You never know what direction they are going."

"Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision? Luckily only one person was found dead at the scene"

"My dating life"

"Little known fact: Fergie stopped making music cuz she ran out of words she knew how to spell."

"#NewSATQuestions Starbucks messed up Kate's order. Kate's white. How done is she? a.) 100% done b.) 300% done c.) SO done d.) She can't even"