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Joke of the Day

"Obama: Didn't think he'd be late Biden: I gave him the wrong address Obama: Joe he's the president-elect Biden: idgaf what they call him"

"things u don't want to here at the doctors office (during prostate exam) 'look no hands'"

"Stuck in a hug. It went 5 seconds too long & now we're too stubborn to let go. Whoever dies first loses THE HUG WAR."

"I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive."

"Can I ask you something?"

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""Unionize""."

"I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast."

"Hello! my name is Linus Q: What do you call a person who has lost all hope? ------------------------------------------------------------- A: Linus"

"The Puritans were a bunch of stuck-up pricks. They had such a holier-than-thou attitude."

"So much traffic around the funeral home... I guess it's not a dying business."