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Joke of the Day

"The other day I went to the doctors office. The doctor said to me, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" I replied, ""What? Why?"" The doctor answered, ""So I can examine you."""

"What do 90's boy bands and blue spruce trees have in common? They all have frosted tips."

"So Trump says he picked a bunch of great people to run the government... But honestly, I've seen better cabinets at IKEA."

"So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs."

"My favorite book is a Stephen King novel... but you've probably never heard of It"

"What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common? The both had an outstanding balance."

"Damn it mom. Boy: Mom do I look good? Mom: Ask your girlfriend. Boy: I don't have a girlfriend. edit: ."

"After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)"

"What's green and smells like ham? Kermit the frog's finger"

"OMG, he's almost here. How's my hair? My clothes? How do I look? (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy."