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Joke of the Day

"What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common? The both had an outstanding balance."

"Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink."

"I know what a bird can do that you can't. Whistle through its pecker."

"I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget."

"How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it."

"Why did the baker's hands smell? Because he kneaded a poo."

"Who did the dyslexic man sell his soul to? Santa. /cringe"

"Paychecks are like dicks... Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger."

"If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler"

"Excuse me while I go powder the inside of my nose."