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Joke of the Day
"What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand? not enough sand."
Next Joke
"And then the penguin says to the bartender, this *is* my most casual outfit!"
"What's an epileptic persons favorite appetizer? Seizure Salad."
"What was the rock band doing at the kitchen sink? Moshing the dishes"
"""We like our beer the way we like our violence..."" ""Domestic"" -Stolen from a part of a Bill Burr skit. It apparently upset some easily offended people when they saw it at a bar"
"What is the worst animal std? Gatoraids"
"-I love you Juan. -I love you too bae , lets make love. -Im afraid. -But why bae? -what if I get pregnant? - I can promise you that wont happen Fernando."
"What do you call a canine that lives at the beach? A hot dog."
"everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)"
"What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner? ""No thanks, I'm stuffed."""