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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife, ""Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"" She said, ""Somewhere I have never been!"" I told her, ""How about the kitchen?"""

"Here's a bit of advice for you. Advi."

"skippin the intro of a game and then realizin you have no idea what the objectives are just walking round aimlessly hoping something pops up"

"I don't know, Your Honor. Last thing I remember was the Polaroid picture crying and I was shaking it like a baby andIT WOULDN'T STOP CRYING!"

"Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a ""cornbed"" so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me"

"If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot."

"I figured out why new mothers are so tired. Having kids really takes a lot out of you."

"What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog."

"BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir"

"What's the difference between a religious revival and a bikers rally? At a religious revival, they say ""STAND UP FOR JESUS"" At a bikers rally, they say ""SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"""