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Joke of the Day

"Two men were in a courtroom... One was charged for eating battery acid, the other was charged of sticking fireworks up his ass The court charged one, and let the other off"

"This spinach dip says 'best before 9/11' and i'm like wasn't everything?"

"Gets pulled over. Cop: You know the left lane is just for passing. And you were driving in it for the past 3 miles without passing a single car. Me: Oh yeah I know, that's why we're passing the blunt."

"if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out"

"The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior"

"How was the red sea made? Over a very long period"

"What did the tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches."

"What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup."

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus."