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Joke of the Day
"The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior"
Next Joke
"Me: *stumbles in front of boss at work* Boss: haha have a nice trip, see you in the fall Me: *takes 8 month vacation*"
"My wife has a shell tattood on her upper thigh.. And if you lay your ear on top of it, you can smell the sea."
"Is it okay for men to sit down to pee? The manager of this sofa store doesn't seem to think so."
"""Expose yourself to Art"" they said ""Art will tase you and call the cops on you"" they didn't say"
"My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says ""declined"" whenever you use it."
"*watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*"
"Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons.."
"Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now"
"I can totally relate to batteries I'm not included in anything either."