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Joke of the Day
"Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on its head. (Get the reference?)"
Next Joke
"What does Jeb Bush have in common with a threesome? A lot of people think three bushes is one bush too many."
"Kinda weird how much we're attracted to each other's genitals even though they're gross."
"""I've never told a joke"" ""Are you serious?"" ""Always."""
"Recent studies have shown that women who have 2 glasses of wine per day are more likely to have a stroke. Women who have a bottle of wine per day might even suck on it"
"Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet"
"*wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella"
"Shit. I was late for my time management class."
"Fogged up my monocle while eating a soft-boiled egg. Had quite a chuckle. I imagine I won't forget it anytime soon."
"What do you call a black man in a tree? Branch Manager"