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Joke of the Day

"So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey Jesus"""

"Leaving someone a voice mail is the new Myspace message."

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"[me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*"

"I'm going to open a frozen pizza shop It's called ""Pizza By the Ice."""

"The most common phrase in China: ""Hey! You look familiar!"""

"How do you call a puzzled amputee? Stumped."

"A blonde and a burnette are on opposite sides of a river... The burnette yells to the blonde ""how do I get to the other side?"" The blonde yells back ""you are on the other side!"""

"The other day I walked up to a homeless person. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'I thought you were homeless!'"

"Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live."