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Joke of the Day

"A fellow pupil asks little Johnny -Johnny how do you know when your sister has the period? -Umm, it's when daddy's weener tastes of poo!"

"[calls wife] honey help 'whats wrong?' im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit 'ok just stop crying'"

"Only 30's kids will get this... Jesus."

"Who invented cereals? Chris P."

"How come ants don't go to the church? They are in sects."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

"Obama just said that no one is listening to our phones..I wonder if he realizes that the LAST thing we do with our phones is make a call!"

"How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences."

"It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today... ... Because she's dead. Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor."

"Her: Let's each pick one person we can sleep with and the other person can't get mad. Mine is Ryan Gosling. Who's yours? Me: The babysitter"