136894

Joke of the Day

"""Time is an arbitrary concept"" is apparently a bad way to explain to your boss why you missed the project deadline"

"I live for the nods pedestrians give when you stop to let them cross."

"A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it Wait couldn't I just put the che Mother of god"

"Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel"

"If you want big tips... ...circumcise an elephant."

"I got this ""breathe"" tattoo on my wrist because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder."

"first date on the first date with girls we play jenga, show her my pull out game is strong."

"What's the plural form of the word ""anecdote""? Data"

"Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio? And the dashboard, and the windshield..."

"What do you call it when a pimp catches a roomful of hookers snorting coke? A punchline."