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Joke of the Day

"I really wish my coworker would stop asking me so many god damn work related questions while I'm staring at my phone"

"""I just really need a good man to fill the hole"" *100 men come running up ""In my heart."" *100 men run away"

"Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage"

"Did you know that I can see into the future? I have 2020 vision"

"Q: What do you call that great feeling of satisfaction you get when you finish your homework? A: The aftermath."

"Why are catholic priests so Eco-friendly? Zero emissions."

"There are only two types of guys that don't masturbate Those with no hands and those with no dick"

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public... I said maybe."

"Boxed wine: Because corkscrews are dangerous after the second bottle."