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Joke of the Day

"*interrupts parent & child on bus* Actually thats not true, Wolverine has died many times *they get up* Your mother cant shelter you forever"

"What's the hardest part about nailing a baby to a tree? My penis."

"how much onion does dad use in his bolognese? shallot"

"I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me."

"so apparently there isnt an app for pancreatic cancer. Ironic that something abbreviated PC killed Steve Jobs, does anyone think his funeral will be a flash affair?"

"Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? ""You gotta keep 'em desiccated"""

"My girlfriend must think I'm rich and dying She keeps telling me to leave her a loan"

"What do you call someone who drinks too much water? An aquaholic..."

"I hosted my very first orgy last night and it was a total disaster Nobody came."

"My mom is the healthiest person I know... She's been a vegetable her whole life."