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Joke of the Day

"Gwen Stefani: this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means... Cut to kid opening lunch box"

"*watches a movie with you* *loudly beeps during all the good parts*"

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9-11 victims, they went through 104 stories in 7 seconds i hope this isn't a repost"

"I once stood 2 Twix bars up. Allahu Snackbar! (It was originally ""Allahu Akbar"", but u/Disagreeing_Man made it funnier.)"

"Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's fly into a window."

"The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it."

"I came across a lost kid in my neighborhood the other day Now I have to register everywhere I live and put a sign in my yard :("

"A man heard that over 90% of car accidents happen within 15 km of home. So he moved."

"What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"". The other says ""Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!""."

"Mike's Hard Lemonade is basically Kool-Aid with a squirt of Purell in it."