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Joke of the Day

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9-11 victims, they went through 104 stories in 7 seconds i hope this isn't a repost"

"[Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?"

"Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection."

"I often chastise my conservative grandpa for stereotyping black people.. I mean how rude it is to pick on jobless people raised by single mothers..."

"Hey UK! You're looking great! Have you lost a few pounds?"

"How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout? You Messi-up"

"HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1) Put a saddle on it 2) Get on 3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire 4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!"

"If I were a movie villain I'd make a bomb where the wires are all one color."

"Anti-gay preacher comes to Iceland. Locals buy all tickets to his event in Reykjavik, and then don't turn up, leaving empty arena. Class."

"""Oooo, a window. Let's see if I can fly through it."" - Dumbass birds"