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Joke of the Day

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9-11 victims, they went through 104 stories in 7 seconds i hope this isn't a repost"

"What's the worst part about 9/11? getting your reddit jokes downvoted 14 years later because everyone is a crybaby cunt"

"My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one."

"the best true fact about 'titanic' is that on the final night of shooting the entire crew was drugged with pcp. that's not a joke"

"*Ouija board begins spelling* H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E ""Ooooh, spooky"" G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N ""Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else"""

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in fog? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you."

"[at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left."

"I pulled my wife's panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer."

"Why don't Muslims use contractions of words? Because in Islam, the penalty for apostrophe is death."

"I heard that my old neighbour forgot about his dementia. He's alright now."