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Joke of the Day

"Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! -Amish drive by"

"If two cannibals fight Does that make it a food fight?"

"If God had wanted you to talk more than listen, he would have given you two mouths and one ear."

"TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub."

"Birth Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks ""How dilated is she?""To which paddy relies,""Oh Jaysus we""re both over the fucking moon!!..:)"

"I saw a butterfly earlier With a tattoo of a slag on it's wing."

"Teacher: Name five things that contain milk. Pupil: Butter cheese ice cream ... and two cows!"

"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."

"My wife came out of the shower and said, ""I shaved ""down there"". You know what that means?"" I said, ""Yeah you clogged the drain again."""

"I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!"