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Joke of the Day

"I was drinking gin for the first time when I realized... I'm not supposed to lose my ginity until I'm married"

"A wife asks her husband ""Honey, how many women have you slept with?"" The husband replies, ""Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones """

"Addicted to pills? Don't worry. They have a pill for that."

"What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans? Heinzenburg"

"If you were stressed out yesterday Does that make you past tense?"

"Don't be part of the problem, be the whole problem"

"What do you use to clear the air of stupid? A HERPA filter"

"Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call"

"If you're new to Twitter from Facebook, you can just reply ""Like"" to all of my tweets. I'll understand"

"I have the dance moves of a dog with mittens on its paws."