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Joke of the Day

"How do you know the blind exist... if they've never been sighted?"

"ALCOHOL: The nighttime laughing, slurring, blurring, shouting, pounding head, confidence, so you can turnt shit up medicine."

"What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven"

"How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it."

"Female sprinters are so hot. I've been trying to bang one for years. But they always outrun me."

"Listen, I'll play that funky music if you ask me in a nice, non-derogatory way."

"The student and the teacher. JACK: ""Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"" TEACHER:"" Of course not. "" JACK: ""Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."""

"WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: Actually it's just emotional comfort after years of being toget- WIFE: *packing* I'll be at my mothers"

"Microsoft just announced French tanks are available in World of Tanks... I'm not sure why I would want to play a game where I could only drive in reverse."

"My teacher in first grade said I was stupid for ""wanting to be a T-Rex"" when I grew up but she died last year so who's the stupid one now?"