136432

Joke of the Day

"ALCOHOL: The nighttime laughing, slurring, blurring, shouting, pounding head, confidence, so you can turnt shit up medicine."

"Autocorrect just changed ""I have so much anxiety I can barely breathe"" to ""I'm fine."""

"Why do women sound like they're having an orgasm when they play tennis? And why does my mother play Tennis in her bedroom?"

"How do you know when sex with a blonde is over? The car light comes on"

"Stars! They're just like us! Gaseous and dying"

"How do you starve a black person? Hide their welfare check under their work boots."

"That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said ""This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."""

"The bible says any man who lies with a man should be taken out and stoned, so I took all my gay friends out and got them wasted."

"If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look."

"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does."