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Joke of the Day

"[Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week"

"What's the difference between the cries of a grieving family and reggae music? I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music."

"How does a crackhead order their whiskey? On the rocks"

"I'm not racist... I have a color TV!"

"Why did Thor file a police report? Because someone stole his thunder"

"Lost my girlfriend due to religion I'm pretty much numb to beheadings at this point."

"What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin' Catholic"

"Yeah, but is it Tyrannosauri Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rexes? *The Jehovahs Witness slams my own door in my face"

"Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof."

"I asked the guy in the Santa suit why he was following me around. He said he was Christmas stalking."